


#StopToumaAbuse

by Ravenoftheskyes



Category: Genei Ibun Roku #FE | Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE
Genre: #StopToumaAbuse, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26626192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenoftheskyes/pseuds/Ravenoftheskyes
Summary: Tsubasa’s incredibly clumsy, but she never gets hurt. That’s because Touma always gets hurt for her.
Relationships: Akagi Touma & Oribe Tsubasa, Akagi Touma/Aoi Itsuki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	#StopToumaAbuse

**Author's Note:**

> This is a joke from the Fortuna Idols discord server. Thanks, guys!

Touma walked through the school, stopping right near the stairs. 

“Hey! Aki-san! What’s the math homework?”

“Oh, it’s page 73.”

“Thanks!”

Tsubasa then tripped and fell over the railing. Directly onto Touma. 

“Agh! Shit-! Tsubasa!”

“Sorry!!”

“You’ve got to stop this! In six months, I have broken my leg five times!”

“I’m sorry!!!”

~

“Hey! Sparky!” Touma said, as he bolted over to Itsuki and slung his arm over the blunette’s shoulders. 

“Hey, Touma. How’s your leg?” Itsuki said. 

“Fully healed! I’m ready for action!” 

“Great. I can’t help but notice that since Tsubasa and I became Mirage Masters, her falling on you randomly has practically stopped!”

“...Why would you say that?!” 

Tsubasa then proceeded to fall out of nowhere onto Touma. 

“Hngh… Sorry, Touma!” She said. 

“Every time. Every goddamn time.” The redhead said. “I can feel it. My leg is broken. Again.”

“...I shouldn’t have pointed it out.” Itsuki muttered. 

“I leapt out a window to get away from fans and…”

“I know. I know.”

~

The Maho set was quiet. Tsubasa began acting. 

Touma walked over. 

_Why did I have to come here…? Oh wait, whenever Tsubasa should get injured, it’s always me. No matter where I am._

Touma walked over to the director and handed him a file. 

“This is from M- Shimazaki-san. It’s a file on Tsubasa.” He whispered, and tried to get out of the way. 

“Time to knock some sense int- AAAAAH!” Tsubasa falls. 

...Directly onto Touma, yet again. 

“EVERY TIME! EVERY GODDAMN TIME! ELLIE IS RIGHT THERE! THE GUY WHO WE HATE IS _ALSO_ RIGHT THERE! WHY ME?!”

“I’m sorry!!”

“...Just help me up, I broke my leg again.”

“AAH! I’m so sorry!! Your crutches are in your bag, right?”

“Yep.”

Yashiro looked up. 

“Why do you have crutches in your bag…?”

“Because this happens all the time.”

Tsubasa chimed in. 

“I… once fell off the stairs… and directly onto Touma… who stopped to ask a kid about the homework…”

~

Touma stood on the set of Ouga, across from Yashiro. He leaped and cried out…

...And then Tsubasa landed from the sky. Directly onto Touma, who was mid-leap.

They both crashed to the ground… and Tsubasa was unharmed. 

“Wow, lucky me!”

“...Nope.” Touma said, from under her. 

“...Oh no, not again! I’m sorry, Touma!”

“Why is it always me?! Yashiro was RIGHT THERE!”

“I’m sorry! I can’t control it!”

Yashiro leaped down to join them, and helped Tsubasa up. 

“Akagi, are you…?” Yashiro said, 

“No. I broke my leg. Again.”

~

“Itsuki. I’m done with this. Please, help Tsubasa-proof me!”

“Hm… let’s see here. Maybe if you go somewhere with her that she can’t get you hurt? Like Seiren?” Itsuki said. 

“Yes! That’ll work! ...But I need you to come with me.”

“Yeah, you’ll need help getting to the hospital if she still manages to break your leg…”

“Yep. So, uh… let’s go!”

They head over to Seiren with Tsubasa. 

Once they get there, they all place their orders. 

It takes a few minutes for their food to come, and then the waitress walks over… and trips. 

It seems like it will fall onto Tsubasa… but then… it lands on Touma. Again.

“Damn it! Every time!”

“I’m sorry!”

“...We need a new plan to Tsubasa-proof you.”

~

Tsubasa throws a can of Amrita Shower during filming for a commercial. By all laws of physics, it should have ricocheted back into her head. It did not. 

Somehow, through some insane butterfly effect…

The can bounced out the door, hit a car, bounced off of the Hee-Ho Mart Salesclerk’s head, ricocheted off the Fortuna Office windows, fell through an open skylight in the Ouga Set… directly into Touma’s forehead. 

“TSUBASA!” He yelled, as he collapsed to the ground, unconscious and probably with a concussion. 

~

“Zandyne!”

The attack missed. ...and rolled directly into Touma, who was caught up in the tornado. To his credit, he did try to dodge. 

“Tsubasa! Why?!”

“I swear, your accessory should be your crutches. No amount of speed will save you at this point.” Itsuki said, with his head in his hands. 

~

“So, here’s the plan. Itsuki yeets Touma directly into the enemies, and Tsubasa’s attacks will not miss.” Yashiro said. 

“But I’ll get hurt??” Touma said. 

“So will the mirages, though.” Ellie chimed in. 

“But-??”

“Touma, you’re going to get hurt anyway.” Itsuki said, defeated. 

“...Fuck, I can’t argue with that.” 

The next time, the plan was put into motion. Itsuki threw Touma into the enemies, and Tsubasa’s attacks seemingly gravitated towards him. 

The mirages were gone in one strike. 

“I can’t believe that worked!” Kiria said. 

“I can.” Tsubasa, Touma, and Itsuki said, in perfect unison. 

~

Okay! What’s the next plan to Tsubasa-proof me?! I can’t take this!” Touma said. “I’m going to end up in a goddamn full body cast!”

Ellie got up. 

“What if… you go to another country?”

“We tried that, somehow Touma still gets hurt instead of Tsubasa.” Itsuki said. “She went on a field trip and he didn’t. She fell down a staircase and we got a text from Touma asking what the hell she did because he was in pain. Tsubasa and I were in Canada.”

“Oh damn.” 

“Hmm… maybe we… need to make Tsubasa-nee not clumsy anymore!” Mamori said. 

“Impossible.” Tsubasa said. “I’ll just end up falling off a cliff and Touma will break my fall. True story, by the way.”

“Then… maybe Touma needs to find a charm of some sort?” Kiria said. “Like an accessory.”

“We’ve tried every accessory in Carabia!” Touma yelled. 

“Then… hmm… we wrap Touma in bubble wrap?” Yashiro said. “I have literally no ideas, but that’s the way this stuff works in the movies.”

“...That might actually work.” Itsuki said. 

And so they wrapped him in bubble wrap. 

“I can barely move, but I think I’ll be safe.”

And for three days, he was. 

...And then Tsubasa fell through the Fortuna ceiling, and the bits of ceiling popped the wrap before Tsubasa broke his leg again. 

“DAMN IT!”

Itsuki sighed. “Anyone got a plan C?”

~

Tsubasa had gone to Hollywood to visit Ellie. 

“Agh, it’s hot…” Ellie said, trying to fan herself with her brochure. 

“Oh, here!” Tsubasa said, as she cast a Zan. 

A small breeze came over them. 

Little did they know that that would cause a butterfly effect. 

The wind caused the water to make a small wave, which grew bigger… and bigger… and somehow created a typhoon in Tokyo that Touma got caught in. 

“DAMN IT, TSUBASA!”

~

The day Tsubasa got back, she kicked a small pebble. 

It hit Touma in the head. 

“Hey, Tsubasa!”

“How did you-?!”

“That pebble you kicked hit me in the head.”

“...I’m sorry!”

~

“For 69 cents a day, you too can help stop Touma abuse.” Itsuki said, as they made an infomercial. 

Fortuna Entertainment got the tag #StopToumaAbuse trending on three websites. 

“Hey, it won’t help me, but it’ll help Fortuna. Nothing can help me. Nothing.” Touma said, his head buried in a pillow as Tsubasa fell through the ceiling onto him again. 

“I’m sorry!” 


End file.
